Aloha,
Time is such a strange thing, especially when I think about the six months it’s been since Pat passed away. In some ways it seems like it’s been longer, but usually it seems like he was just here. I’m missing him a lot today and wanted to write a bit about the love & support I received afterwards.
After Pat died, I looked functional. But I wasn’t okay. When the news got out, people started flooding me with emails, texts, phone messages and it was overwhelming. People called and asked what they could do to help. I had no idea.
Then Anne jumped in and organized everything for a meal after the funeral. I mean everything. Even bagging up food in the freezer when everyone left. Another friend stopped by with two sacks of groceries. Milk, eggs, bread, frozen lasagna, ice cream. She didn’t ask if I needed any food. I would have said no. Another friend sent me a gift card for a local restaurant. When you are grieving, you don’t want to make decisions. You just can’t make any more.
I guess what I’m saying is don’t ask grieving people to make a big decision. “How can I help?” is a big one! “I’m going to Costco, can I get you anything?” is a much smaller one.
My dear friend, Beth, flew over after about a month, to help me out. She decided to come over then, rather than come to the funeral. Beth helped me sort through the things I was ready to go through, and cooked delicious meals for me. She helped me make my bedroom into a peaceful space, helping me pick out a bedspread & pillows & to declutter. She helped me pack up an electric wheelchair and get it sent over to Honolulu to someone who wanted to buy it. I never would have had the energy to do that by myself.
I received so many cards!! They all mean so much to me and I’ll save them to look over when I need to. But there’s something very special about a handmade card. I’ll show you some here:
Oh, there are SO many more! Watch for them in my next few blog posts.
Thank you so much to all my friends for sending me such beautiful cards and so much love!
Be sure to use this month's Hostess Code: AHJBASBS
A beautiful blog, Cheryl. Friends are one of God’s most important gifts. Thank you for sharing what they did for you, understanding your needs without having to ask. It is important information for us when we have other friends who are experiencing grief. Thank you, Dave & Carol
Thanks so much, Dave & Carol! And thank you for always being there for our family!
You sound remarkable! My father was killed years ago at Thanksgiving. My grief and denial, ended me in the hospital two weeks later. My husband was overwhelmed when friends didn’t ask what to do, they just did it. When we need help the most, when someone asks what they can do, we are in no position to tell friends and neighbors what we need.
Wow, Vida! That’s so hard that you ended up in the hospital! And even worse that it happened on Thanksgiving. I’m so sorry and I’m so glad you had those friends that just dove in to help you! Thanks for your comments.
I just read your blog about Pat. It reminded me that you are still grieving and will be for sometime. Thank you for sharing the advice on how to deal with a grieving wife. I’ll keep those tips in mind as I interact with my neighbor who just lost hers. Still praying for you and your girls.
Thanks so much, Deb. You’ve been a great support to me and wonderful friend! Your neighbor’s blessed to have you there.
Such a sad time for you. I went through that situation 2 years ago. Cherish the memories, no one can take them away. Hugs to you. The display of cards is beautiful.
Thank you, Ruby, for your sweet comment! And I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sure it’s still difficult for you also.
This was so great mom, great job. I miss him so much.
Thanks so much, honey. He was so proud of you!! I know it meant a lot to him when you went into nursing and I loved hearing both of you talk on & on about medicine.
Aloha Cheryl
When we lose loved ones a hole opens in our hearts that they would fill daily. The love is still there we just don’t get any more from the one we lost. We do get it from others in their own special way. It doesn’t make us miss the loved one any less however it can help to lessen the pain.
Pat was a special man who touch all of us with the gift of his laughter and his stories. We all miss him every day. We’re here for you and your wonderful family. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Love always
Karen and Pmac
Pat thought the world of both of you and I’m so blessed to have you in my life! Love you both!
I was so grateful to have the opportunity to help. Be kind to yourself – for longer than you think. 💕
Thanks Anne. I’ll try to remember to be kind to myself & not push myself too much. You’ve been such a big help in all this!